I started out planning to write this brilliant post and I stopped. I got to the page and thought “I’m such a fraud. What do I have to bring to the page that others might benefit from? Really, why am I pretending to have something I don’t?”

Reasons to Have Faith

Fortunately, I do have things, skills, knowledge and drive, that I can draw on. I know how to do stuff and I know how to get through the slow times, but I get hung up.

Sadly, I still struggle with an on-going consciousness rife with self-doubt. The moment I get things wrong or mess them up, it brings me to a place of intense despondency. (And I think that might be an oxymoron.) That is the time when I think that there’s no point in continuing. It’s time to give up and throw in the towel. But I get through it.

I’ve actually gotten better about this over the years. And I’ve added tools to my arsenal of doubt-fighting. I read other writers, blog writers who are real people writing about their experiences.

Blogging people have in common that they are willing to share their fallibility. And in so doing, they make me know I am not alone neither in making mistakes nor in trying to avoid them, correct them, or learn from them. Among these same fallible people, I find individuals who don’t give up because they know they’re supposed to grow. I find and I learn from people who push themselves and others to be better, to do better, and to start where they are.

To read from some of the people that help me to continue to grow and keep the faith, visit the people on my blogroll. It’s a short list but these are the guys who get me through. There are others who I learn from and still more who show me what not to do. These guys maintain blogrolls that are great resources along with the great content they provide.

Stemming the Motivation Fall-off

A major lesson I take from working towards a goal: Your motivation has to come from within. And when your spark is flickering as if to go out, it’s critical to know what fuels your fire and tap into it. Have you even read something that made you want to pick up your pen, or change the way you do a thing? Have you ever taken a walk, or stretched, or visited a gym and had your ideas fall all out of your head on your way home?

Such an experience happened to me recently. In the throes of not completing my NaNoWriMo goal of 50,000 words, self-doubt started to bleed into everything. My story line became suspect. I thought there was no way to pull it off. My poems came under fire of my evil critic. The final verdict: Favor the world and just give up.

My anguish over this obvious failure, plus the words of my critic, plus any negative feedback I have ever received, told me that I was wrong to continue. It was best to stop now and spare the world. It was time to focus on my day job and quit the tomfoolery of wanting to be a writer, a poet, one paid to string words together on paper—again. (It didn’t matter that I’d done it before.)

What Helps?

Self-Acceptance
Release yourself from the pressure of having to perform. If you fail, you don’t necessarily die, you just have to start over or revise your schedule. Accept wherever you are and keep breathing. (I don’t participate in the writing projects that say write or die–I just take it to heart that much sometimes.)

Exercise
It’s different for everyone but there is one, often more than one solution to help you. There was one for me. My solution came to me after I was reduced to tears, after I was forced to acknowledge the failure I am. I gave up. I let go and moved away from the work. I got some breakfast and stretched. It was actually a workout that pulled out sweat to camouflage my tears. Endorphins are a writer’s best friend.

Reflection
I began to recall my skills and dreams that got me to this point of wanting to write. There were good things I’ve done, and have yet to do. Appreciating that I didn’t miss all my goals helps too. I remembered that I had a skill which while not perfect, was present for me to cultivate it. And I thought about how the novel manuscript is still alive as long as I don’t throw it away.

Journaling
If you don’t keep a journal, consider trying it. My journal helps me to get things out of my head as the jumble it is. Laying them out on paper can often bring me surprising clarity and enhanced focus.

Movement
I went right back to the activities that worked to scare the hell out of me. Continuing the poetry and the novel manuscript (albeit not on time) is moving forward. That is a how I am a giant success. I move forward in the face of my fear. Sometimes I even stick my tongue out at it.

Related Post

• i love my personal journal
• 5 benefits of keeping a personal journal

I was tired, chronically running on E, and sleep didn’t matter. It was a draining experience. All the life seeped out of me before the workday ended. By close of work, it was all I could do to get home and crash.

It was more like slide, really. All the energy I once had to go to the store or run other errands after work was gone. In fact, I was too whatever to sleep. I would just lie across my bed sometimes for hours, until I found the strength to shower, eat, and go to bed.

What was sapping the life out of me was work. It turned out I was doing the wrong work, or it was a negative work situation. And, when work is a problem, it can easily spiral into life. It took me a while to figure this out, and then to acknowledge it.

The first problem: I have what I call “The Chameleon Syndrome.” Whatever people want from me, I want to deliver—whenever I can. The second problem: I’m very sensitive to being out of harmony with myself. The wrong work created such negative dissonance as to cause physical, adverse reactions, certainly mental and emotional glitches.

These two problems caused me a great deal trouble. The second problem caused me to be deeply unhappy and dissatisfied. The first problem kept me returning for more. I learned this had been my pattern for many years. Only as I got older, the physical and mental reactions intensified.

I was sad—actually sad. And much of the time, nothing helped easily. Tears came easily. My work was tapping me, even my reserve, and giving nothing back. I wasn’t sure why. It was easy stuff for me. And yet I made horrible, egregious mistakes. It was as if my subconscious mind was yelling at me and I was too deaf to hear. So it acted: If I wasn’t aware enough to quit, it was going to get me fired.

Hard to believe, right? I know. I didn’t want to see it for what it was either. Lucky me, I know this to be true. (That was sarcasm.) You don’t have to take my word for it. The problems are real. And the solutions are attainable. Look around. Ask around. Read up.

In fact work—W-O-R-K—is the 4 letter word that is taking on a new positive connotation. It is the case that the face of WORK is changing, and so is the feeling toward it.

Why the New Attitude toward Work?

Let’s face it, most of us have little problem with the idea of working. And that’s good because people have more external pressures to work now, than ever. We just want a little peace on the job, right? Right now, many of us are feeling the pinch of not being able to find work we love. Interestingly enough, we’re less inclined to settle for passable jobs in less-than-optimal work environments.

More and more people are coming to understand that it is important and feasible to be happy in their jobs. In fact, being happy in your work goes beyond reasonable, it’s actually common sense. So, with increasing frequency, people are discovering that the key is to find their passion and have that be their work. It’s reminiscent of Neo and the others waking from The Matrix, isn’t it? Very cool! You can wake too.

Check Yourself and Your Workplace

It’s a far cry from the times when people were forced to abandon family traditions to pursue their dreams. Still, the idea of uprooting yourself, redressing your life situation is big, without a doubt. It’s important, then, to know that you’re making the right choice. If you’re anything like me, you look to yourself as possibly the problem, and you try to figure out what you’re doing wrong. But what if there’s more than you who’s a problem?

Adria Richards posted a video at AskAdria.com called 10 Signs Your Boss Sucks¹. She discusses indicators on the job that may mean you need to leave. Gossip and disrespect can really make your work life a misery. These are 2 of the issues mentioned. Watch her video and see if any points sound similar to your work situation.

Gretchen Rubin has listed 12 questions to as yourself during your review of your job situation². She suggests you take a look at your interactions in the workplace, with your boss and peers. Consider whether or not you know what’s expected of you. Then ask, do you have the tools you need? Her questions present a good frame to review your work situation.

And if you need to, change yourself to suit your work. You know how I said I have to check myself first? The reason is so that I can be as sure as possible that I’m making the right choices. If it’s the work I chose, I’m going to try to love what you do, like it or not. It may be only a minor attitude adjustment is needed. However, it may turn out that you need a new boss or a new line of work.

Ultimately, no change will matter if you don’t know what motivates the change. See how important it is to know what you are passionate about?

This new, possible work environment is looming before us, there for the taking. It’s almost a nebulous, ethereal goal when looking out from the throes of discontent. Still, people are moving toward this new work plan en masse, to earn their livelihood in an equitable and peaceful environment.

How to Find Your Passion

You don’t only check yourself to see if your in the right frame of mind. You have to look within for another reason. Remember I mentioned my chameleon syndrome? You may have that too. You need to ask: Are you doing what you’re passionate about? Or is it what everyone expects of you? Determining whether or not you’re doing what your passionate about, is an integral part of your peaceful work experience.

The barrier that must be torn down is one borne of conditioning. Whether it’s being groomed for the family business, the family hopes, or what teachers told us; we learned to behave as expected. (I did, anyway.) Many people know they want something new, different from what they’ve done for years. But, they can’t quite hear their heart-song any more. The first thing that must be done is to find your passion, which brings me to my final resource.

In the picture above my niece and nephew proclaimed they were conducting an experiment with the last of their bubbles liquid on the patio table.

When I think of doing the work I really enjoy, I’m reminded of doing work that feels like child’s play. Once I get started, the hours might pass like minutes. Sometimes I get a twinge in my stomach when I have to stop. You know that poke that makes you want to keep going when it’s time to put your toys work away? That twinge is what I’m referring to.

The final resource I want to point you to is Four Steps for Living Your Flame³, by Kirk Byron Jones. In it, he presents inspirational and faith based reasons for pursuing our passions as well as steps to help find purpose, to find what burns within. Read his message and try the four steps to help you find your passion.

Please take a moment to complete my poll, in the sidebar. Are you doing the job that keeps you inspired?

Are you getting the message from your body that your life needs to change? Get passed your blocks of getting by and pleasing others, and hear from yourself.

Remember the child’s play stuff you like to do. I’d love to hear your story. Leave a comment, link back from your blog, or email me at sharils@blogaboutwriting.com.

Resources:

1. 10 Signs Your Boss Sucks, from the video archives at AskAdria.com
2. Are You Happy at Work? 12 Questions to Ask Yourself, by Gretchen Rubin
3. Four Steps for Living Your Flame, by Kirk Byron Jones

Related posts:

• love what you do…like it or not
• getting to the sweet spot of writing work
• balance: have your cake and eat it too

When was the last time you went to bed on time? When was the last time you just rested? Not slept but relaxed and breathed and spent time just being content. When you think about it, it’s not as often as you might like, right? This post is for those of us who have trouble remembering to just breathe.

It’s especially difficult to turn things off when you like your work.

Just because you’re not working doesn’t mean you’re resting. There are thoughts that eat up your play time. What keeps me from relaxing are two very closely related things:  a healthy work ethic and respect for competition.

The Competition is Steep

Your work speaks for you. And what your work needs to say is that you are the best person for the job. You understand, too, that you have to have an audience, an employer.

That’s why you work on refining and improving your skills. Doing what someone else does is the way of the world. Putting your unique brand on your work will get you the attention and success you desire.

No one will hire you if you don’t put your virtual sign before as many eyes as you can. The pressure to get yourself seen is greatest when you’re new at what you’re doing. So your administrative work is center stage.

Here’s the place to get creative, to figure out how to get people’s attention. Among other things, you work out your strategies for your:

• website
• press releases
• emails
• newsletters
• social media

It may be different for you but this is what consumes much of my relaxing time. To be sure, these are very important goals if you want to remain employed, or keep the work coming in. And they can take up all your time if you let them. But that’s not the healthiest way to be.

The Key is to STOP!

Efficiency is how you save yourself. You learn things that are already in place to help you. You don’t have to make an organizer when you can find one that fits you, or one you can customize.

Learn how much sleep is optimal for you and your best hours for sleep. It may be that you work best on seven hours of sleep. Maybe you need nine. It may be that sleeping 10:00 p.m. to 6:00 a.m. works better for you than 12:00 a.m. to 8:00 a.m. (I’m a 10-6 person.)

You need More Than Sleep

And being rested doesn’t necessarily mean sleeping, although I’m a firm believer in naps. You need to relax. Do something that you enjoy, separate from work. It may relax you to exercise, bowl, read. I suggest always making time to be quiet and awake. Meditation does a lot for me, conventional and not. Sometimes I’m cleaning up, and instead of being on the phone while I do it, I will focus on the quiet and my breathing and movements. It’s important to engage in non-work activities that rejuvenate you spiritually, creatively, and foster a sense of peace and contentment.

Some assignments can run longer than others. And that’s fine. You don’t always have to cut your work short to save yourself. The key is to stop when your work is done, and just breathe.

Capture New Ideas

The constant flow of ideas kept me returning to the computer, or taking notes between work, tasks, errands, from pre-dawn to way past dusk sometimes. You need to track your ideas, just not around the clock, to the exclusion of a good night’s sleep. After a point, I just hope that the ideas will be there when I wake.

Keep a Tasks List

I have a list of tasks to keep me organized and on track. The order of execution depends on how the tasks are related and not the order I write them down, since I usually write them as they come to me. Some tasks are completed in the same day. Others are completed over a period of days. Whatever works for you, keep track of your assignments and administrative duties.

Stick to the Schedule You Make

I had to make myself stick to the schedule. At first, I was overly strict about sticking to the plan. Particularly, I needed to stop for the evening, to get the rest I knew I needed.

You’re thinking either that keeping a schedule is easy, or you’re thinking that sleep, rest and relaxation are highly over-rated. You would be wrong on both counts.

It’s not Easy

Following my schedule is hard because there’s always something I can continue, expand on, or something new I can do. Never mind what I know works best; there are times when I want to move on to other things because I’m all wound up. I think I’ll sleep after while. It’s a continual effort to turn my work brain off at the close of a day.

The Benefits of Scheduling

Taking the time to rest and relax can not only sustain you through work but also take your work to another level. It can improve your overall productivity. Some of the things I’ve experienced because I got proper rest include:

• Better, more efficient work performance
• More creative ideas and solutions
• Clearer thoughts, not fuzzy, that can be captured
• Possibly completing work in shorter times allowing for more free time
• More energy to be disciplined in work and play activities

The times when it’s a real struggle to let go of work, I ask myself if it’s critical to complete the next task right then. I take a deep breath remind myself of the good work experiences and successes I have when I am rested and relaxed.

Try it and see what you get from it. Develop a schedule that works for you. Odd work hours are not a problem as long as you have determined that those are your most productive times. Remember: the key is to STOP and breathe when you’re supposed to. If you’re so inclined, please share your experiences about over-work and relaxing.

Writing is an important skill that can make you quite valuable. You can increase your value by learning complementary skills. However, it doesn’t mean that you should lose focus of the job that you were hired to do.

It’s important to continue to learn, in whatever work you do. As a writer, you learn how to complete articles quickly and cleanly. Anticipating the needs of articles will help you to get done beforehand any research you need. You know too that language is fluid, dynamic and therefore guidelines change. You need to keep up with changes and that’s a lot.

So Why Learn Other Things?

If you knew one thing, only one thing, better than any in your field, I wouldn’t necessarily bid top dollar to hire you. Wherever I work, I find that employers are of the same mindset. Why is that?

It helps to know how other departments work to improve the flow of projects. Knowing a little about design will help when you have to write the ad copy for 1 inch positions. Or, how to write the article so that the preview section to come from the first paragraph. Or, how to edit so that you can write your articles to need minimal revisions by the editors. These related skills will usually come into play somewhat throughout your work experience.

How Much is Too Much?

Most people run their businesses to maximize profits. Makes sense, right? It can get out of hand when the boss wants you to put on the multiple hats you wear at the same time. Unless you’re in a one-man operation, you need to focus on your one job. Sometimes employers forget or don’t understand that it’s a good practice to have people focus on their primary responsibilities.

Signs that things have gotten out of hand include:

• Deadlines constantly needing revisions – when deadlines are repeatedly being extended and you’re being singled out, there may be too much on your plate
• Work requiring more revisions than usual because of mistakes – many things requiring your attention concurrently makes you want to rush; things can easily get missed
• Bad stress from juggling multiple jobs – when you have several full jobs, it can be stressful to have to switch gears throughout your work day; bad stress can be physically debilitating
• Dread on Sunday for what’s coming on Monday – when your weekend ends early because your job takes your attention away from relaxation, something needs to change at home, at work or in your routine

Basically only you know when you are pushed to extremes. Even if you’re financially compensated for doing all different jobs (and this is highly unlikely if you’re being asked to do them all) at some point work starts to flag. After a point, it is counterproductive and if you care about your performance, it can be quite frustrating.

What’s an Employee to Do?

There are things you might to to pre-empt and solve problems at a job. Make an honest assessment of your skills before and while you’re working at a job. Always, do what you do to the best of your ability. Understand that in most companies there is some overlap and cross training. With that, there are things that you can do to minimize your being over-stretched.

1. Never say you can do what you can’t. And be specific about how well you know your skills. In other words, when you’re a writer don’t say you’re also a professional web designer if you’re two weeks into learning HTML.

2. Bring your healthiest self to the job. Get rest and exercise and proper nourishment. Being alert on the job will help you to think clearly, and be able to trust your work choices.

3. Something more difficult to do, don’t always say yes to get along. When you can’t, say you can’t. Early on in one of my jobs, I said yes to everything and all deadlines. I eventually learned how the company worked and what to say no to, and when to adjust deadlines.

Some companies don’t understand that one person doing three jobs is not the best circumstance, and should only be short term. Sometimes in those companies, there are bosses who are receptive and able to separate jobs, hire and pay people to do them.

4. Ultimately your best work will be done when you are in a good work environment. When your work environment is not good, when you can’t work with others to make the situation better and you know you’re doing everything you can individually, it may be time to leave. When you know it’s time to go, I suggest that you begin your exit strategy by searching for the work and the environment you need.

Make sure your choices are made based on earnest assessments of all factors.

When you have the opportunity to work and play, in the same life is tantamount to having your cake and eating it too. And guess what? You need to do that.

When you sit before your computer day in and day out, and the work is flowing, it’s sometimes quite easy to forget the importance of fitting in other activities. One really important activity is relaxing. The conscious choice to dismiss obligations for a time is exhilarating. Then when you actually spend the allotted time relaxing, you give your mind, spirit and body time to be restored.

It takes a measure of audacity to assert yourself and secure free time to relax. Balancing obligations of work, family, friends and other communities with rest and relaxation has several benefits:

• Improves your presence in social settings
• Revitalizes your ability to and attitude toward work
• Facilitates your ability to be receptive to new ideas
• Cultivates the audacity to pursue riskier endeavors

Balance is Important in All Walks of Life: 3 Examples

1. On The Late Show with David Letterman, actress Kate Winslet was being interviewed. She and David Letterman were chatting about the holidays and family gathering. The conversation quickly contorted into their agreed-upon commiseration over their eventual desire to “kill them all.” They were referring to experiencing family overload. At the same time, each acknowledged how much they looked forward to the season and the time together.




2. Timothy Ferris, entrepreneur, athlete, and author of The 4-Hour Workweek, is an advocate of freedom from the daily grind of 9 to 5 work. He doesn’t believe in the traditional deferred-life plan. Many of us including Timothy Ferris know that this happiness can’t be found in the 9 to 5, five day workweek.




3. Kirk Byron Jones is a family man, preacher, teacher and an author of several books including, Addicted to Hurry: Spiritual Strategies for Slowing Down, and most recently Holy Play: The Joyful Adventure of Unleashing Your Divine Purpose. Kirk says, “No sitting, no soaring.” He warns us that we can be crushed by respecting only the work obligations that we have, and ignoring our need to relax.

The people in the above examples are very successful. They have learned that your best success is achieved through hard work and healthy playing. You can be more creative about getting work done when you have proper relaxation time. Time away from the work of getting things done can actually give you the answers that you need.

There have been many times when I’ve given up on an idea of how to work things out only to find that the answer was right before me. What happens is that I try to force the solution by laboring to concentrate on the answer until I become overly focused, which has a way of fostering tunnel vision and not letting in alternative ideas.

Having a Balance of Work and Relaxation Improves Enjoyment

Creative solutions thrive in relaxed, open environments. Lately I’m spending time with family and friends and pleasurable obligations. I went home to New Orleans, Louisiana for a visit over the New Year holiday. I worked on my blogs and website in the hotel when I wasn’t visiting or relaxing in the room.

My aunt needed a ride to the hospital and someone to stay with her. I was able to do both; and I played games, wrote and read to pass the time.

This weekend, I have company visiting me. We’re doing different things as they occur to us, and I have a couple hours here and there that I’m scheduled to put in some work.

It’s a lot more interesting for me as I learn to actually take time for different relaxing things. I don’t think about work and what will come next. Relaxation is time I allow myself to be in the moment and enjoy my family, friends and activities. As a result, I present a renewed self when I return to work.

Enjoyment is important, because really, isn’t that they ultimate reason that we make any effort? Not only do we get to have playtime, adults thrive when play time is allowed for. Treat it as a requirement to have some fun regularly and see what a difference it can make in your work life.

Plan it. Look forward to it. Execute your plan to play. Let me know how relaxation improves your endeavors.

While I Was Away

It wasn’t my plan to spend so much time away from my blogging space. I gave in to the dark pressures of my day job, and let it spill into my mornings and nights and weekends. I completely the balance I had maintained. It was easy to do because I really like my job a lot. And my blog has suffered tremendously, which means that I suffered too. I missed it.

This is not my only site that has flagged in my absence. Telling Stories took a powder too. And it’s been a challenge to face the setback. And yet here I am to rebound, to breathe life back into my lifelines, with more than a small measure of hope that I can regain my balance between work and non-work. I really like blogging. It has become part of what keeps me balanced, so it’s definitely worth the effort.

Since I climbed out of the pit of over-work, I took a few days off to breathe life back into me and the things that keep me going. I’ve learned a great deal in my months-long absence.

What I Read

• I have read Darren Rowse and Chris Garrett’s PROBLOGGER: Secrets for Blogging Your Way to a Six-Figure Income. I was delighted to have finished it while I was still on my break. Now, to calm down and plot my course!
• I started reading The 4-Hour Workweek, an interesting book by Timothy Ferriss. It didn’t take me long to figure out that I’m not there yet.

I read my constant companion blogs by Darren, Joanna, Catherine and Brian and many others that reaffirmed for me that “DO IT” is a good plan. It’s a positive thing to change and grow. For me to be balanced again, I do need to CHANGE things a bit, so I made the first efforts to DO IT. More on that later. As I surfed through other blogs too, I found that I’m not the only person for whom change is in the air.

• Joanna Young of Confident Writing, has some great, exciting and inspiring changes; her new company/site, and working out her current site changes including the bookstore.
• Catherine of Sharp Words is working a little differently with her book reviews and it’s coming along better than she’d hoped.
• Amy Palko, now of Less Ordinary, moved to a self-hosted site. She inspired me too because she’s well-known and made this big change. And, quite successfully too, because the her new site seems to be off to a very good start with the familiar stunning quality images.

What I’ve Done

• I started catching up on my blog reading, as you may have noted above.
• I caught up on my sleep.
• I caught up with my family and friends.
• I’ve come up with some ideas of how my blogging may lead to bucks.
• I’ve brainstormed some posts ideas for my blogs.
• I’ve planned to change my blogging setup.

Three Things I’ve Learned

1. In an effort to stay on top of my game I have come to the realization that I will have to get a bit ahead of myself, with respect to my writing.
2. Change is everywhere. It feels like a good thing because it is, and a necessary part of regaining and maintaining balance
3. It’s okay to doubt—a little. It’s okay to stop—briefly. It’s not okay to give up—period.

What’s to Come

My addresses will be changing here. I bought the names a while back and I recently set up the first one that I will be using for this blog. The other will come soon. I don’t know how it will work, or if the content switch will happen. No rush there, I just want to start posting to the new site as soon as I’ve finished the setups. In the meantime, I’ll continue to share my adventures here.

This was a fantastic “stay-cation” that I took! I added a few extra days around the July 4th holiday. And, it was as much fun and revitalizing as I’d hoped, just relaxing and reading and thinking and being. I know the guidelines, and yet I managed to lose track of my rule to keep some time for me. I’ll renew my vigilance.

If you’d like to, please share your experiences with overload and how you manage to regain your balance.