You ever have times when you’re really hot to write something? You run to the page and write feverishly til you covered every thought that brought you to the page and a few that arrived after you got going. All this only to find that the passion has dissipated.

second guessing and affirming my ideas

You may not know what I’m talking about, but it happens to me from time to time. It’s not about journaling. It’s about the impact of the words I’ve written. I start wondering, Will anyone be interested? Be able to relate? Will anyone care or be entertained?

I remind myself that there may be someone, some one person who would really like to know what my take is. Someone who will greatly benefit from putting up my ideas alongside his. And on some really good days, he or she may tell me how I was wrong or right about something.

just do it

Ultimately, I have to just do it if I ever want to click the PUBLISH button. So, I suck it up and revise and edit my writing. When I’m satisfied I’ve presented my ideas as fully as I want to, I just let it go. It’s been a while since I clicked the PUBLISH button here. And, I have all these snippets of ideas running around in my head. So the time has come for me to trust that I am talking to somebody out there when I say and show, JUST DO IT.

Letting my ideas flow is the whole reason behind keeping a journal, paper or electronic. Blogging is the perfect place to write just in case someone wants or needs to hear what I have to say. In sharing here, and on my other sites, I invite you to share your thoughts. Write to me and tell me what’s your take.

why do it? 5 reasons

1. It’s good to get things off my chest as writing can be a great contemplative release
2. It might help someone if I offer a perspective they’d not considered
3. It might make me a new friend bonding over common ground or beneficial disagreement
4. It might make me a new enemy – not a great thing just good to know
5. It’s important to click that PUBLISH button when I have a chance

I’m curious! Do you doubt your ideas? How do you get passed the voice that tells you maybe you shouldn’t do a thing? What’s your incentive for pressing on?

In my AA (Administrative Assistant) job, I have to keep the books. We use QuickBooks to record financial business. At home, I use Quicken.

learning new software

I am working on learning the ins and outs of Quicken, (my graduation from spreadsheets), and now I have to work on learning QuickBooks too. At work they’re planning a training session for us to learn more about QuickBooks. At home, I’m on my own, which is fine.

Usually I click around to learn new software, it’s part of the fun for me. But, I’m in a bit of a hurry now. I need the key information, not extra stuff right now.

I bought 2 books for bookkeeping and Quicken. In reviewing the Quicken book, I found I’m going to have to sift through a lot of ‘related’ material. There’s a lot of aside information that is too far afield to be called theory. Along with getting what I need, a manual for the application, this book seems to try to incorporate bookkeeping and accounting training. And, it is infused throughout the book. So, I expect big fun trying to get around/through all that.

writing the book review

Once I’ve read through enough, (I just got the Quicken book today), I’ll make my determination on whether or not I’ll recommend the book. I was actually surprised by how much extra stuff was in the book. What I was looking for was a dedicated software book. Interestingly this book is the closest I’ve come and it doesn’t cover my particular version of the software.

Once I’m done scanning/using the book, I may write a detailed review of what I got out of the book. I see that I’ll have to sift through the distracting stuff. But it looks like the book will show me some things I haven’t figured out yet. It may turn out that the book is perfect the way it is…I’ll let you know.

Are you learning anything new? Do you take a class or buy a book first thing? Or is structured learning your last resort?

I’ve had 2 jobs for the past 3 1/2 months. It’s been really interesting and fulfilling and hectic. Rewarding and testing.

For far too long, I was under- and unemployed. When I moved back to my hometown, New Orleans, Louisiana, all I wanted to do was work. I searched, applied, asked, and talked to people. Before I knew it, I had almost 3 jobs. I got the first one, an afternoon job that was for 2 hours, 4 days a week (no Mondays) working with Second Graders.

Six weeks later I got the second job, it was in the day time: 6 hours Monday through Thursday, 3 hours Fridays. I was so grateful until I decided to do them both and was considering a 3rd job which fell through, thankfully.

The two I got fit together but then they really didn’t. Both were demanding and a pleasure. But there were times when they clashed. If things ran over in my day job, then I would likely be late or close to it for my afternoon job. You see, there was only a 30 minute window between the 2 jobs which allowed for travel time. A surprise event would eat that travel time quickly and leave me no room to do any preliminary things.

Once or twice it even made me a few minutes late. I couldn’t have that for myself. And my boss and the children (it was an after-school tutoring program) deserved better.

looking at all sides

I tried to tough it out. All I wanted was to work to make up for all the time I didn’t work. Here’s the thing though. I am tough. And dedicated. Once I understood that it wasn’t about me alone, but what was best for all involved, the choice came clear.

I didn’t want to be forced to run out of my day job leaving unexpected things for the next day, in order to be on time for my evening job. And, as I said, I didn’t want to have to run late or be absent for the evening job because of my day job (Administrative Assistant).

I opted to stay with the day job that was closer to full time, provided me with autonomy (once I learn all the nuances), and made no demands on my time or finances outside of the job. Teaching is not that kind of animal, even in only the after-school sessions.

how i chose

I took the selfish route. I wanted to be on time every evening for the afternoon program but it wasn’t a guarantee that I could. I wanted to be free once I got home, to do other things I was interested in, like my volunteer work for my church, book studies, website development, learning software applications. That was difficult to do with the demands I placed on myself for classroom preparations.

My choice was to pick the one that I could focus on with minimal hesitation. This was the formula because both are rewarding and autonomous positions. I didn’t want to give up either, but since I had to, I opted for the free evenings and relative quiet of working in an office setting.

I’m sure I made the right decision for myself at this juncture in my life. I have no problem with working 2 jobs. But I firmly believe that my second job should be online and from home, to minimize the wear and tear on me.

So, did I make the right choice? When did you last give up on something in the name of self-preservation? Did it bear out that you made the right choice?

I won’t really feel my decision until after the holidays, when everything is back in full swing — and I get to go home at 3:00 p.m. It will be a bit before I really feel the absence of 2nd Graders asking questions, working studiously and trying to have their way. I may need to visit them.

off to a rocky start

Last night, my computer was still quite wonky. I decided to reboot the modem since I’d done the virus scanning and defragging. But I had to wait until today because my eyelids were too heavy to press through the short steps. This morning, things were still bad online, so I called in and the recording said the same thing I thought they would, Try disconnecting the modem and the other related steps before I connect you with a human being. I knew that so I can’t tell you why I called first. It might be related to another issue of not trusting what I think I know—a separate issue.

Anyway, I did the technical stuff, it worked and I didn’t have to call back because the recording wasn’t expecting me to, unless I needed assistance. With my IT concerns squared away, I was able to get on with surfing the web reading and networking.

plans for a hard charging 2011

I’ve been giving myself scary goals for 2011 related to two of my blogs‐not including this one. This one is still just for me to air out my brain and write through things that are on my mind.

For my working blog and my creative writing blog, I’ve decided to write more frequently. It should be interesting. Hopefully, it will be productive too, by getting me into the habit of posting more fluidly. Ideally the blogging will become second nature, (by next year if not this), instead of feeling like this great extra effort I have to make.

my guideline for  current postings

I read in several blogs, most recently from a writer at She Writes, that I should lighten up on the blog posts. Not that I should post less, but that the posts don’t need to be long. The key is to make posts short, focused, and useful. That works in my head, but I wrote for a company that insisted on 1000 to 1500 words for each post.

So now, I fall back into that habit from time to time. Then I get to thinking about how it falls short of being the definitive draft on the topic it covers. Do you see the problem here? I can’t fit the definitive copy on any topic into a blog post and expect people read it. The solution, get light and useful. When I come across the draft topics that seem to keep me writing on and on, then I can break them up into a collection of posts. Something I’ve done rarely.

Blogs that are written to a theme should contain posts related to that theme. I’ve decided that I can go off on a tangent, but not to far off. I don’t want to blog about nuclear physics without tying it in to writing, when I’m working on my freelance copywriting blog. When I do tangent (and I will tangent), I hope to have one of those really sweet tie-ins that will leave people saying a hearty NICE! I’d be alright with that.

musings for the rest

Telling Stories, my creative writing blog, is also a focused blog. My focus there is exploring and sharing my creative interests covering poetry, fiction and whatever else comes to mind…related to creative writing.

You’re likely saying, Well, what about creative non-fiction? And that’s a really good question, but it doesn’t stump me. It can go on that site as well—because it’s creative. See? There is room for creative non-fiction on all my blogs, since all writing is creative even if you do it halfway right. For example, my last post here, could have gone on the Telling Stories site, easily. I was on this blog when I started writing it and just stuck with it.

Really, for that post, I would say the determining factor was that it was just my musing over the events of last Saturday. Had I planned to write it, I might have put it on the other blog. The lines do blur between the blogs, from time to time. It has become the place I put random thoughts, ideas, and experiences that often times relate to life writing.

My purpose was just to write through what happened on January 8th and find my footing after I sat reeling from the news. There’s more that came to mind, but that post was enough to get me clearer on where I wanted to go with that topic. As a result of just writing through what was on my mind, I have come up with several writing topics I can cover tangentially.

Now I have this guide to get through the next few weeks of writing on my other two blogs. When I take a step back to review how it’s coming along, in 111 days from 1.1.11, I’ll let you know. That many days because, while the copywriting blog challenge ends this month, the creative writing blog challenge is for 111 days. And I decided to wait until then to review both.

This is only the tip of my iceberg, and more than enough to chip away at this evening, what with more writing to do and all.

So, Christmas day is put to rest well. I have fond memories of fun times with my family and good visits with friends and family on Facebook. It was fun watching the children play, and watching the family interact with the kids. The food, as always, was great: the turkey, honey-baked ham, spinach and artichoke dip, baked macaroni and cheese, selections of oyster and plain dressing. The fruit punch was a taste sensation, with bubbles and everything that tickled my tongue.

Engaging conversations with adults and children was another highlight. The kids are so bright, so funny, they entertain me with their innocent wit. Their joyful charm shook their entire bodies. The sister and brother, two years apart, are partners in mischief and merriment that makes my heart glad to watch. It was a pleasure to be present with everyone.

The fact that my throat was still a little achy was not a big deal. I didn’t have to talk much to engage, to participate with my family. So I didn’t, managing enough to converse and say thanks for everything, with a little extra in between.

the day after

My throat still ached and felt a little too warm on the inside, and a little bit like I slept on it wrong. So I’m spending my day after Christmas, still waiting on my recovery. I have my Christmas music and my CDs to entertain me and the great memories to keep me company.

If I did talk too much yesterday, I’ve more than made up for it today. I’ve had two phone conversations. On of which was about three seconds; my friend called, on her way off to work, to tell me that The Sound of Music was airing in her area. She thought it might be airing here too. I told her thanks but it was okay if not since I own the DVD. (My friends no me so well.)

My biggest drawback today is my diminished appetite. Eating is not nearly as fun when you’re only doing it because you have to. But I’m managing because I need to fuel to fight my bug. I just have one more meal to swallow today.

I didn’t even make my favorite hot chocolate recipe today. Definitely I’ll have some tomorrow. No sense letting cozy 45 degree wether go to waste. I’m staying warm and quiet in hopes of speaking easily and pain free soon.

communicating in the 21st century

It’s been a pleasure to be able to communicate with family and friends on Facebook and Google Talk. Without these venues, I would be forced to strain my throat or just not share with others. So, I’m quite grateful for these tools. I don’t feel nearly so isolated as I would without them. I’m able to have real-time conversations, not emailing back and forth, without uttering a sound.

It intrigues me how much more it engages me when I write to people. Likely, this is because I don’t have physical motions (hand gestures, facial expressions) and voice inflections to fall back on to carry the other half of the conversations that we have in person. Picking my words becomes infinitely more important when it is in print that I share them. It’s a fun adventure.

Sometimes, when I write on the fly, I’ll put something out and regret it shortly after in release it. Friends are forgiving. But, I still work at being concise. After all, what’s the point of writing if you don’t care about being understood. Besides, it’s good practice for business writing.

…they likely wouldn’t come at all. Or maybe they do respect calendars but only their own and pre-Christmas is on their agenda.

It’s been a very long two weeks with much to do and little time to get my thoughts fully focused. Not that there wasn’t enough time, mind you. I’m just in slow motion lately. And I know why that is; it’s just not so easy to change my speed.

To close out this two week period, this morning, I’ve said a sad farewell to my voice. It’s not a meditative, introspective retreat into myself that brings me to this. That would be a lofty, laudable, endeavor—definitely not the case today. Instead it is some sort of virus that has seen fit to arrest my vocal cords, making speech above a whisper an uncomfortable effort.

In hopes that my voice will return by Christmas (a long shot if historical data is to be believed) I’ve prepared a few notes for interactions I have to have today. If I can get by with these, then it may shorten my separation from my voice. Another benefit of the notes is to spare myself the pain of talking, since it physically hurts to strain to get out reasonably audible tones.

iPhone to the rescue

I spend some time talking on a daily basis. Most days it’s fun. Today, I’ll have a different tactic to communicate in person. The notes I prepared are on my iPhone’s notepad. It’ll be interesting to see if people let me get away with this to save my voice, or if they’ll force me to talk. In random exchanges with people, will they take the time to read my note? Will I cave and try to talk to people despite having notes, or instead of making notes?

That would be a really whimpy thing to do since I’ve not even talked to myself today. I haven’t heard my voice above a whisper this morning. Even being quiet, I can feel the discomfort in my throat.

Will my iPhone screen be large enough for people to focus on it? That’s a big question since sometimes, and in some lights, I have to take a minute to get my eyes to focus.

It would be a funny idea to try this if I had the courage to stick a phone in someone’s face rather than trying to squeak and scratch out a brief explanation.

my effort to be quiet

I’m on my way out into the world armed with my phone and determined self-preservation. And I’m curious to see what I return home with. Thankfully, I won’t be out too long this morning. I wonder if I’ll hear any different things in the spaces where I might have been talking under other circumstances. Perhaps while my voice is out, I’ll hit upon a new, different rhetoric for 2011.

Even without talking much regularly, I will miss my voice. Mostly because I talk to myself aloud when I’m working things out. When I’m reading my writing. When I’m hearing the beginnings of a poem. It would be nice to say a few things to my family on Christmas day, especially the ones away who I want to speak with on the phone.

It’s amazing that it’s already here. I saw it coming, and yet when I take a closer look at the year, it flew by. There have been some really fun things and serious things that have helped the time pass for me. While the first part of the year was moderate, the second half just seemed to fly by. And, I’m grateful for all my adventures.

moving

Relocation was a big deal at the midpoint of the year. I returned to my former apartment complex, (different unit). It was a tough move, as are all moves. Still, I’m glad to be back. I miss the company of my mom. She’s glad to be back at home though. I’m grateful for the chance to move again, and for the fun of rediscovering my things that were in storage. It was even a good challenge to have to neatly store all the things I’m saving for my mom. (Although, I may not have been that positive about it, when I first stared at all the stuff.)

Yes, I claim to be working from a positive, grateful stance most days. However, I also claim my humanness, my view of things as half empty sometimes. Still, I see that gratitude makes the self-pitying time largely non-existent. Self-doubt is more a habit that I need to break, and still something that I can usually work through.

computer training

Part of what made the move hard for me was that it came near the end of my computer training. It brought on a wealth of distractions that have yet to calm down. Still, I finished the course. I made some good friends in the course and I have a good grasp of the material from the program. It was fun and I’m grateful I could complete it.

I’ve not taken the certification exam yet because of more life stuff. It doesn’t help much that I don’t much care for tests. On the other hand, the eleventh hour is often my best hour. So, I continue. I fit in the studying here and there, and resolve to take the test before the end of the year. Is this eleventh hour or what?

writing admin stuff

Job search is a full-time venture, don’t let anyone tell you different. It keeps me occupied, perfecting and re-perfecting my résumé, searching, contacting and following up on applications. That writing goes hand in hand with the writing for my website. Adding different details to my résumé has led to me adding new things to my website as well. So, I’m grateful for the things this process is inspiring for being self-employed.

website development

I’m always adding to my website development skill set. I learned to use PHP. Not a lot of PHP, mind you. But, I have command enough to separate out repetitive sections of my static website. PHP makes it easy to add pages to my site since I separated out the top and bottom navigation, as well as the sidebar section. Without going into too much detail, this coding lets me update one file and it’s automatically propagated throughout the site.

I converted my work site, The Word ’Mage, to PHP files. I wanted it done before expanding my site with a publishing section, and before other major projects I’m considering. I’m grateful that I was able to learn that quickly, as I really wanted to have this well in hand before I started to grow my website. Blog development is on the way.

gratitude: always the big deal

No matter how difficult things get at times, no matter how much I might struggle with a new concept, time, learning resources, I still find it easy to be grateful. I’m grateful for all that is behind me in accomplishments, training, and experiences. I’m grateful for all that is yet to come, getting through the known, and the excitement of the unknown. Also, I’m grateful tat I’m back on track with the November PAD Challenge.

As much as this day reminds me of gratitude, it reminds me that the year is nearly over! And that’s a great time for review and reflection. One of the best ways I have of reflecting and appreciating is to write through things. It’s a pleasure to be able to appreciate my life events. I can’t imagine how difficult life would be if I couldn’t smile during the easy and the hard parts.

I find that gratitude makes smiling effortless, don’t you?

It’s been crazy busy for me this past week. I’ve had a lot of fun. And a lot of home business to catch up on. My house guest, (my friend Stephanie from home) came to visit for the week. We got into all the bad things we do together, eating all the wrong foods, shopping, watching rented movies until late at night/the wee hours. I had work search things to attend to in between the fun. And so went my week before the really busy week of Thanksgiving.

Not to worry, though. This should be a quiet holiday for me. So, I have time to catch up before then. I’ll even be able to get ahead on some other projects (hopefully) I have scheduled. It could happen that I’ll reach my end-of-year deadlines on a few. That excites me greatly!

PAD Challenge

I have no doubt that I’ll catch up on the poems for the Poetic Asides challenge. The rest of the prompt sites will be a greater challenge to catch up on. However, they’re strictly for my enjoyment of the community that I’ve met through them. And they give a week between prompts.

Today, it’s really quiet. I have no TV on and no music. My movies and music stand at the ready to provide the background noise I sometimes require.

NaNoWriMo

It’s highly unlikely that I’ll finish my 50,000 words again this year. I think I’ll swear of NaNoWriMo indefinitely. Certainly, I need to give that up until I’ve done one in a year. There’s a reason I can’t seem to finish one. This is my third year iffing at the project.

It may be that I’m not a novelist. It may be that I’m not a writer. It may be that I need to write a novel in a different month than a poem a day month. Especially since I seem not to be able to stop writing poems. When there seems to be no time for me, for writing, for fun, I still think in verses. I swipe minutes for poems when I don’t mean to be writing. If there’s time for one thing to write, I’ll allot that time to poetry—or my journal.

So, for now, for the sake of my writing self-esteem, to reduce my need to self-censure, I will forgo the stories that play in my head. No, the truer reaction I’m having is this: I’ll let myself forgo the November novel writing fun. I will miss the effort and the tons of pieces-parts I generate. Instead, I’ll take them and work them into something over the year. Then if that works, (of course published or not) I may try the NaNoWriMo project again…in whichever year I complete one novel. It may be 2012, but that’s okay.

As always, you can read my poems and other creative writing at Telling Stories. I look forward to hearing from you, here or there. Thanks for reading.

big doings this past weekend

saturday, a wedding day

On Saturday, my cousin Kristin got married to David in a picture perfect wedding. Our family came from near and far, to attend the wedding. Her Uncle Kirk performed the wedding ceremony. Her dad gave her away. Her proud mom was there, beaming. Her big brother was one of the groom’s men, in full tuxedo regalia and tears of joy.

Kristin’s wedding party spoke warmly about the union made that day. The food and the music were great. A good time was had by all.

the family band aid

sunday, a game day

Several people were able to extend the trip so we got together at my brother’s home to watch the Saints. We were hoping for a better outcome, without a doubt. Still, we easily managed to have a great time. It was more the company than anything.

monday, a loss made easier

Warm feelings of joy over simply being able to be together, wrapped us in love, laughter, smiles, hugs, games. It buffered the blow the game dealt yesterday, and made today much easier to walk through. You see, today, October 25th, is the third anniversary of my dad’s death.

As it turns out, this weekend was a perfect way to celebrate my dad, without any formal dedication. It was a great weekend he would have been fully invested in. He loved having his family and friends around, celebrating joyful events, and he loved the New Orleans Saints.

With much gratitude, I continue. Put simply, family and friends make life easily more pleasurable in good times, and more bearable in bad times.

In the photo: Smothers, Jones, Stampley, Coyle families: just a small part of my family.

From time to time, I get overwhelmed with all that I’ve got going on. I need to have things in perspective to function at my best. Writing in my journal helps me to pull things out of my brain and place them where I can review them. It’s like pushing something very close away so that it comes into focus again. When I think about it, it reminds me of Dumbledore emptying his brain of thoughts as he searched and reviewed.

I’m grateful that I know the benefit of keeping a journal. It helps me to keep my thoughts to a quiet, manageable roar. And this helps me to move forward, even after I stall for a bit.

I’m cherishing. Writing my experiences is a review. It lets me reflect, and that often feels like a cherishing experience. Even the bad times have a measure of good that is amplified by reviewing them. I get to look at them closely and can see the positive that came out of them, although they may have made me feel like total crap at the time they occurred.

I’m fueled by seeing all the good that comes from the good things in my life. And I’m propelled forward when I see the benefit of the hard times and the mistakes I’ve made. It’s not to say I won’t make those mistakes again, but that I will make a calculated decision to try it again, likely in a different setting.

I’m appreciative of the opportunities that are present around every corner. When I take advantage of anything, I draw on my life experiences to be the best that I can at it. As can be said of us all, I am the sum total of my life experiences including the people I’ve known. The good and the not so good shape me into the person I am, and inform the choices I make. And I continue…

These are all parts of gratitude that keep me moving forward. When things are good, when things are bad, I have learned there is truth and reason in the practice of counting your blessings, naming them one by one. If you don’t know the power in it, I suggest you try it and see if it doesn’t catapult you up out of your doldrums and into powerful forward motion.

Try gratitude to shake of a tough day, and to appreciate a great one. Write about it in your journal, or blog about it and share!