It became clear to me recently that I cannot fully separate myself from my Fear. It was likely always clear, only now I’m accepting it too. My stifling companion on my life journey. Fear. Champion excuse maker for not writing or not [WHATEVER GOES HERE].

lots to say but i can’t

The glaring truth, (that forced me to accept it), is that when I don’t write it’s not because I have nothing to say. In fact, I have lots to say; and it seems like even more is present during my can’t write times. At any given moment, there are a plethora of ideas, machinations that spark ideas, sprung up from reading, listening, watching, thinking, doing, imagining. A staggering amount of fodder for any writing purposes that engage me. And from what I’ve read on She Writes and around the web, I’m not alone in this oxymoronic predicament.

My hesitation is not simply a matter of being unable to pick what I want to write about or to do, either. My hesitation to pluck out an idea and act on it is spawned from doubt morphed into Fear: of rejection, of acceptance, of failure, of success. It’s a whirling, swirling mass of gases, liquids and some solids that knock around in my skull rather painfully at times. And, try as I might to dispel the Fear, it stands its ground. Sometimes I think I’ve gotten it all gone from my life, from whatever work I’m doing. Shortly into the calm, I learn respite is not release. I learn Fear only laid dormant, waiting for the quietest, busiest time to step up and make some damned noise about why I shouldn’t do whatever is on my mind to do.

fear and muse

Fear is not totally my enemy, though. I know this. Fear, dressed as caution, can keep me from making a huge fool of myself. And isn’t minimizing foolishness a good thing? Sometimes? I’ve been thinking about this, trying to focus on appreciating the good that is inherent in proper Fear. And it came to me…

Operating from the baseline truth, that Fear is valuable, I have a new game plan. We won’t fight. It’s not reverse psychology or flat out running away. I’m simply standing my ground, squaring off with my scary adversary using love power, to make Fear my bitch. This year I’m embracing my Fear. Making it another hero, the antithetical protagonist to my moody Muse. I’m pitting them against each other and filling my pen with the blood they draw.

I see interesting times ahead, and I’m taking notes.

Such is the shape of things today. And I’m going with it. What do you do to capitalize on dispositional changes in your life?

One great morning last month, my brother called to invite me to babysit my niece and nephew. Quickly, I switched gears and rushed my activities Friday morning because it’s important to have a little fun. Morning was for work search. I had to skip tweeting for the most part, and instant messaging with my friends and family.

Unfortunately for me, I had an excruciating, nauseating migraine headache. You know the ones that wring the life out of you, when you’re forced to close your eyes, and clenching your teeth hurts? That’s what I was having.

After meds and an hour-long nap, I felt much better. I woke in time to get a few things done before I had to leave. I was just finishing up when my brother and niece came to pick me up. And it was on.

my charges catch fire

My niece (4 years old), who usually starts out slowly, was ready to talk when she walked in the door. I hadn’t seem them since last year, Christmas day, and the girl was making up for it. She had questions to get updates and lots of other things to tell me. She modeled her new versatile mittens that let her free her fingers.

When we got to the house, I had to see her TV and help her with the DVD. Later, after my nephew (7 years old) got home from school, he joined in the conversation and activities. We chatted about his good day at school. He showed me the good note he got. He went to get his evening snack. Then we spent some time apart while they watched a movie.

Before I knew it, quiet time had ended. And they were on me. It was energized to say the least. They were different than the last time we spent time together. They were unified, polarized and driven to accomplish their self-appointed tasks to run me through the mill. I’m thankful, though, that mostly they’re good-natured and funny.

inventive young minds

It’s always amazing to watch, listen, and interact with these little people. They just barely got here and have assimilated so very much in the way of communication. They make old things new and reflect them through their own personalities. They are bright, funny, manipulative, sensitive, caring, morose, quick, heartless, and so much more. They are full of the roiling contradicting character aspects that we all have, and these kids just roll with it.

random scenes from the evening

1.

Aunt (to the girl): Go put the light on so you can see better.

Girl (to aunt without looking up from drawing): I don’t think that will be necessary.

Aunt says nothing—as, nothing useful comes to mind.

2.

Aunt (to the girl): You are such a joy! When I go home, I’m going to make a [name] doll so that I don’t have to miss you so much. [The girl watched the aunt intently, thought about what she said.]

Girl: What are you going to make it with?

Aunt: I need to make it out of something soft to remind me of you.

Girl: You can use one of my blankets.

Boy (entering the play area): What about a [name] doll?

Aunt: Most definitely I have to have a [name] doll too.

3.

Aunt (to the boy talking incessantly): Please just stop talking for a little while!

She makes no mention about the toys that need to ride up and down the aunt’s arms, shoulder, neck, legs, head. Just a plea for quiet to hear a TV show. The boy is quiet for only a moment and he resumes the scenario playing out in his head.

Aunt (wanting very much to hear this next part): Nephew, please give me a break! Please!

Boy (has a Power Ranger action figure walking the aunt’s arm down to her hand. The action figure’s foot gets caught on the aunt’s ring. The aunt tunes in to hear the boy say in a mock serious voice, a bit deeper than normal): What is this piece of metal on her finger? Must…get…it…off! [The aunt resists laughing, only smiles.]

After wading through that, the boy is off to get another toy. He returns to the aunt’s side with his Toy Story Woody doll. He pretends that he and the doll are whispering to each other with intermittent breaks to talk to the aunt.

Aunt: Nephew, please stop talking to me! Just for a little while.

Boy (to Woody doll): What’s that? What did you say?

Boy (to aunt): Auntie Shari, Woody said…

Aunt: I don’t want to hear what Woody has to say either!

Boy (won’t be put off): Woody said he wants to shoot you so bad.

That just breaks them up. Aunt and nephew sit together laughing their butts off.

what i took from this

There are likely opinionated moral majority people cringing at me finding humor in that last scenario. To you I say Pooh! Oh, and Quinten Tarrentino. Besides, think about the last time you laughed at slapstick, or sat riveted in front of a horror movie. Then come back to this.

His parents want him to be himself, within reason. They work with him to be good boy, to think and to choose right actions over wrong. And he know’s he’s funny. He was laughing before he could get the words out. He had to start over. These children are having a great time being children. They think, imagine, and let their lives happen. Sometimes it may lead to punishment. But, that’s part of the learning process.

Mostly, they’re just having fun. At one point, they tried to incite me to chase after them. They ran as though it worked even though I didn’t move from my seat. “Oh my gosh!! She’s coming to get us!!” and they shot off to evade me. Shortly, I heard my nephew say, “Come get us! We’re hiding—in [girl]‘s room!” His voice full of exhilarating anticipation and delight. I was almost compelled to go in—almost.

They challenge me to release my inner child and play. I try to accommodate that as much as I can muster. They take all the energy I’m willing and able to expend on them. Their raw delight in experiencing everything is joyous and consuming to watch. And somehow it gives something back to me—it’s rejuvenating.

i’m so grateful i was ready and open

Having said all that, I will say they can be little terrors, tag team artisans. When they are, I have to work quickly to get them to see how and why a behavior has to stop. My efforts are to seize the teachable moments in play and discipline. And it’s been a pleasure. In fact, my times with them make for great writing fodder. I have at least one poem related to these two little ones. They are good for pictures too.

I want to share with you the story of how I re-learned what’s allowed to feed the writing fires. It may be something you’ve experienced, and will inspire you to find out or rediscover what can feed your writing fires.

At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us. – Albert Schweitzer

The Whole World is Mine to Draw From

You ever wonder how writers come up with ideas for their material? I wondered that too. Part of my quandary has to do with the label of writer and all the dread that title brings with it. It’s something I’ve turned over in my head from time to time, and a lot lately. In fact, on my last trip to my hometown I gave it a lot of attention and came up with an answer.

The Memory that Brought the Answer

I have a good friend who is a minister. One day, several years ago, he told me God loves you, to which I replied, Yes, I know. That’s what you’re supposed to say if you believe that, right? I think there must’ve been hesitation in my voice.

- Do you really know that?

- Yes…I guess.

- You don’t know that. But you can. What would you do if you really, really knew that God loves you?

For a moment I thought about it, the largeness of that truth. I responded.

- Pass out on the floor.

In our conversations there was always a lot of food for thought, fodder for the musing days. It was this memory that came to me on my vacation, while I was considering how I filter what informs my writing.

Extrapolating from the Memory

I thought for a moment about what informs my writing and then left it because it was time to go out. What I did carry with me was the idea to collect threads from the fabric of times spent hanging with my friends. After all, everything that comes to mind is fodder.

Wait! What?! Everything?

Going with that, in that moment, my plan was to catch everything I could remember or note.

Daydreaming, brainstorming, organizing, researching, editing are all part of the process, sure. But before that, comes the sparks of experiences that need to be fueled by imagination.

Some Things Happened on My Last Vacation

I felt a lot of conscious appreciation and cherishing this trip, of every little thing with my family and friends; more immediately than usual. I felt a lot of gratitude in the moments, as opposed to waiting until I got back to Houston to reflect on my time at home, in New Orleans. Gratitude plays a powerful part in good things that happen in life. I believe this for everyone, I know it for me.

Another thing that happen during this trip was that my nasty little inner critic’s hand was revealed, and his spell was broken.  I saw that he would discount many ideas as just not right before they had the chance to catch on. Many ideas didn’t make it to my notes.

I always understood intellectually that everything was fodder. But my sneaky inner critic lulled me and lead me away from that truth. Now, everything was coming awake in me and it was exhilarating. I want to say I grokked the truth of it.

Everything was talking to me; all my synapses were firing. I had to be open to going out and doing things (setting aside my couch potato habits) so I just let down my guard. It had the unexpected result of opening me up to other possibilities.

So, the question is What do I do if I really, really, know that everything I experience is mine to use?

My answer is Keep all I can catch. Whatever comes to mind, it’s okay in fact necessary to hear it, even the outlandish.

What’s Come of All This?

It was akin to a rebirth of my creativity. And it was greatly needed. Being truly open to everything was like being fully immersed in emotive sensory awareness. It felt safe and bounteous, if a little daunting. And it immediately fruitful.

Several poems came from the experience, and many new ideas to pursue.

I have a renewed vigor regarding everything I write. What was ash and smoke has been stoked to smoldering embers… pretty soon, I will be on fire again! Yes, I am smiling at this.

Everything is possibly material for a post, poem or other project. That holds true for all of us. Do you know this to be true for you? Do you water sparks before they catch?

Often times when I’m working on a project, I’ll get distracted by another idea that intrudes. Why does this happen? Well, it seems to be the way creativity flows.

Based on great posts and books I’ve read and my own experiences, once you prime your creative pump, it flows toward your project at hand and can overflow to other subjects.

Sometimes I find the ideas that come to me are tangentially related. And that’s not so problematic. Other times, though, the new fodder seems completely unrelated.

What difference does different make? The challenge with unrelated fodder is the distraction it can present because of how much it pulls you away from what you’re doing, so you can record it clearly.

Did you ever write down just a phone number only to realize later that you forgot who left it, and who should get it? A similar problem occurs with corralling ideas. You need to capture it quickly and adequately.

You want to be thorough enough in the notes you take to accurately capture what revealed itself to you. Whenever you get back to the idea, you want to be able to return yourself to the moment and revive the inspiration. For that, you need sufficient information to stimulate the memory.

Take Good Notes

It’s great to have ideas. It’s an indication that you have enough material to keep going. But what’s the point if you don’t finish what you start? In order to get to the finishing point of any task, I take notes about the extraneous ideas.

When my next brilliant idea surfaces, I don’t want it to get away from me. So, I try to capture it in words and images if I can. My goal is to record enough information to be able to develop the idea at a later date. I keep a tablet next to my computer most times, or I’ll snag paper from the printer, whatever it takes to get it down because writing makes things stick for me.

What Good Does it Do?

I have to tell you, just because I know these helpful tips, doesn’t mean that I ALWAYS apply them. Sometimes I will let myself get pulled away from a project, indefinitely if not permanently. Problem is, I have lost some ideas permanently. They run cold and I don’t know where they were headed, and I can’t seem to restart them.

But, when I do it right and take good notes, there are several good things that come of it. Two things you’ll find:

1. You’ll be able to focus on your current project without having to worry about losing your new idea
2. More ideas will begin to come to you when you give all of them room to surface and be cultivated

What do you do when you get distracted? Do you capture your ideas or just let them go? I’m interested to know what works for you.

Tell me if this is familiar to you. Sometimes I can’t hear what I want to write. I have a story or poem that’s blocked and I have trouble reaching through to pull it out.

In these times you may hear no ideas, feel like you have no creativity, but look a little closer. The problem may be that you’re stuck in a different gear.

In life we often have things that require our attention—not only your writing ideas. You need to know what’s on your plate, what distracts you when you want to write. After all, how else can you dismiss it without knowing what it is?

Why So Empty?

You’re not really. It feels like there’s nothing there, no words come. It’s rarely the case that there are no words. Your ideas may be mired in thoughts of bills, laundry and work.

Proper rest and random writing help a lot. Proper rest gives me a much better handle on my writing. This is because when I’m sleepy, little distractions loom large and foreboding over my small plan to write. Rested and alert I can plan my attack to get everything done. Then, I can see that there can be laundry after writing.

Random writing helps because getting started can draw you into the process. Unless things are very much overwhelming, it can distract you from the things that seek to lay claim to your attention. If you work as a writer, that work can overshadow your current writing. In that circumstance, writing can help to bleed it out and call up the writing you’re intending to do.

Unearthing Your Creativity

Following are a few things that have pulled my creativity out. They have a way of clearing my mental pallet, of blasting away the distractions, leaving free, the thoughts that I was looking for.

Option 1 - Allow the distractions. It sounds counter-productive but it helps when you can’t ignore a thing. I indulge myself and address the concerns that won’t leave me alone. If it’s housework, I will do a little work to appease my guilt and remove that obstacle to my writing session.

Option 2 - Read something. My favorite inspiring blogs inspire me with their great writing and topics. I am inspired and motivated to participate. A book of poetry is always close at hand; or a novel or magazine to take my thoughts.

Option 3 - Meditation helps. Quieting my thoughts and concerns helps me to dismiss them for a writing session. Sometimes I’ve actually fallen asleep; which means I was tired in the first place.

Option 4 - Organize something. It could be folding clothes, rearranging the closet, or putting dishes away. This practice of doing something physical can take me out of my head long enough to regroup. Or, if I’ve been lazy about the way I’ve saved files, I’ll re-arrange my hard drives—which reminds me, it’s time to make some changes on that front.

You’ve Still Got It

Creativity is present all of the time. It’s not tapped out; only it requires that you tap in to hear it. It’s the voice that comments when you’re watching a movie, or the gesture you make to get someone to smile. I find it in my responses to things I’ve read when I say I could’ve written it better.

Usually, when I want to tap into my creativity, it rarely works to force it. Instead, encouraging it to speak gets me what I need. It’s present and audible, we just have to remember how to dig it out from the muck of distractions so we can hear its instructions.

There are many things that you can do to release your creativity. Tell me some things that work for you. I’d love to hear your experiences.

Listening to a child tell a fanciful story is like listening to a daydream.

Do you ever think about thinking? About daydreaming? What does it do for you really?

We All have Choices

Either you need a topic, or you need a way to begin writing about the topic you’re given. You stare at the blank screen, and stare becuase the pressure is on to finish. So really starting is not where you want to be for long. You have to choose.

Daily we have to pick from a wealth of opportunities and ideas; divine moments is what Erwin Raphael McManus calls them. Kirk Byron Jones discusses how we have been imbued with free will for a reason; throughout our lives we have choices to make. It’s not a new idea that we get to choose, it’s newly gaining acceptance.

It’s not just the brilliant, the genius or the well studied and not just writers. We all have choices available to us. The question, then, is how do we choose.

Thinking Things Through

Daydreaming: Returnin to What We Were Called From

You can find a wealth of writing on the subject of writing. How to get started, how to keep going, how to choose, how to stop for a while. We rarely name daydreaming. It’s important to use your imagination and it’s refreshing and revealing and empowering. It always seemed to me that daydreaming was the activity of the frivolous and the elitists. The rest of us were relegated to being grounded in the real world. Maybe if you called it a different name like visualization, then daydreaming would seem a bit more useful.

So, why does daydreaming help anything?

I consider daydreaming the free pursuit of ideas. Free, because when I’m daydreaming, I am free of the left-brain constraints that are part of concrete planning. Daydreaming comes before this. I think it works because sometimes the constraint of having to write or even to verbalize can shrink the potential breadth and girth of an idea. At any rate, it’s important and it’s creative. Dr. Jones says that indeed the choices we make are based on our ability to think creatively, to dare to choose.

What you’re doing when you’re daydreaming is virtually trying something out. Many of us already understand the usefulness of daydreaming. Others are learning of it and studying it. Scientists are now compiling quantifiable data to illustrate the import of daydreaming. Oh, what chastisements this might have spared me when I was a kid.

Proof: The Science Behind Daydreaming

Jonah Lehrer wrote an interesting article last month about the importance of daydreaming. Two othings stick with me:

• The idea of it being our primary mode of processing
• The importance of being deliberate in daydreaming

Can you imagine what it would be like if we began to respect the daydreaming hours? What would it be like for teachers to say “What are you thinking?” to the child staring out the window, instead of “Child! Pay attention!”

Next time you notice someone daydreaming, don’t be so quick to dismiss their activity as useless. Who knows what next great work will come about from any of us. Daydream on purpose. Next time you catch yourself wandering off, don’t stop it. Instead take control and guide it. You may come up with something you want to share. Let me know.

Resources:

Article

• Daydream Achieving, by Jonah Lehrer

Books

• Holy Play: The Joyful Adventure of Unleashing Your Divine Purpose, by Kirk Byron Jones
• Seizing Your Divine Moment: Dare to Live a Life of Adventure, by Erwin Raphael McManus

Posts

• writing life: 7 strategies to keep going
• 24 Things to do When Stuck for a Topic to Blog About

I read regularly Joanna Young’s blog, Confident Writing. On March 14th, she posted a group writing project that appealed to me. The guidelines are simple: write four sets of four things that inspire me to write, due March 28th. I thought it would be fun.

The same day I read the post, I wrote my first draft. Then yesterday I rewrote my list. It was interesting to note that everything from the first didn’t show on the second draft. The changes of course offer fodder for another musing day.

I know there are many things more than on this list that inspire me. What I’ve included are things that open my creative pathways to my idea palette. They provide me spirited time away, out of my workspace, which helps me to write more. I return with ideas spilling out of my head and I am challenged then to capture them as fully and quickly as I can.

4 x 4 Writing Inspirations

Here’s my list of things that get me writing. It’s not definitive, but certainly a great representation of my sources that continue to pour into my writing wellspring.

Nature: When I have time to sit and take it in, it infuses me.

1. The majesty and awesome fullness of weather: a good rain or a shimmering sunny day
2. The profound serenity of trees
3. Birds swarming, swimming, dust bathing, visiting flowers
4. Plants that I can grow

‘Other’ activities: These next activities made the list because their writing mojo is in the distraction and exertion they deliver.

1. Stretching
2. Playing
3. Cooking
4. Drawing

Permission to mess up: When I know it’s okay to write badly, then I can get beyond the voice that says Don’t even try.

1. When it’s only a first draft and there’s time to revise
2. Writing in my journal knowing no one will ever see it
3. When I can’t think of anything productive to write and I have to begin the action of writing
4. When I’m taking notes collecting information, my thoughts and ideas

Photography: I’m inspired by pictures that speak to me, both mine and other photographers’ work.

1. Magazine and blog photos
2. My photographs that return me to where I shot them: The picture that adorns this blog’s header section is one example; it takes me back to Boston, Massachusetts where I took shot it
3. People, candid shots: Below is my brother Kemic and his baby daughter



4. Taking pictures: I immerse myself in getting the right composition and perspective to capture the story inside the shot, and I revel in the fact that it often boils down to luck

I can turn to these activities, or sit with a picture, and it takes me out of place, giving me room to breathe deeply and regroup. They each give me a break from the work of writing, which is the only way that I can do my best. As writer, Dr. Kirk Byron Jones says, “No sitting, no soaring.”

This 4 x 4 Sources of Writing Inspiration: Group Writing Project really was a lot of fun to do. Thanks again to Joanna Young for sharing the activity. It’s always good to know how to spark your inspiration—for times when you just can’t sit and wait for it.

If you’ve not yet done so, think about it and let me know what you do to fuel your writing fires.